No love without trust:
Obviously no relationship can sustain without a level of trust that should be earned. The trust is earned through your actions and truly indeed nobody knows you better than your spouse. We know the story of the Prophet (saw) when he received his first revelation. While he was in confusion and awe about the event that had occurred, it was his wife – the person who knew him best – that comforted him and trusted him. She said, “Never would God allow you to be affected by any evil! Truly you are dutiful to your family, you are concerned with helping others, you give to the needy, you are most hospitable to your guests, and you are known for speaking the truth and supporting others when they speak the truth”.
How beautiful indeed! How many people married to each other earn trust in each other like this?
When Prophet received his first revelation, he was shaken. It was his wife Khadijah who put her trust in him: “Never would God allow you to be affected by any evil! Truly you are dutiful to your family, you are concerned with helping others, you give to the needy, you are most hospitable to your guests, and you are known for speaking the truth and supporting others when they speak the truth”.(Bukhari)
Respect your mate:
Just as trust is important, it is very important to show respect to your spouse. Whatever may the case be, whatever be the severity of an issue, it is important to take it light heartedly and maintain a healthy relationship. Instead of creating a mountain out of a mole-hill, it is essential to tackle the situation in a manner that maintains respect of the marital relationship.
How many husbands would be able to control their anger if their wives intentionally broke the dish to be served right in front of friends? Even the generally patient man would frown and show disapproval at least. However, look at how beautifully our dear Prophet handled the situation. Instead of getting angry, he in a very sweet manner gathered the broken pieces and the good and told his companions, “Your mother felt jealous”. Note the words he used, “Your mother” which lightens the gravity of the matter. SubhanAllah! We all have so much to learn from the Prophet (saw).
And how well do we know how to handle a situation when a co-family member says something hurtful to your spouse? Instead of reacting in a way that would make the whole situation tense, how often are we able to put things in a manner where things can be settled amicably? The Prophet (saw) puts forth for us a beautiful example of how to handle such complex situations – for when Hafsa (ra) chided Safiyyah (ra), calling her daughter of a jew., The Prophet (saw), showed that there was no reason for Safiyyah to be ashamed for she was indeed daughter of a Prophet, niece of a Prophet and wife of a Prophet.
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 152: Narrated Anas: While the Prophet was in the house of one of his wives, one of the mothers of the believers sent a meal in a dish. The wife at whose house the Prophet was, struck the hand of the servant, causing the dish to fall and break. The Prophet gathered the broken pieces of the dish and then started collecting on them the food which had been in the dish and said, “Your mother (my wife) felt jealous.” Then he detained the servant till a (sound) dish was brought from the wife at whose house he was. He gave the sound dish to the wife whose dish had been broken and kept the broken one at the house where it had been broken.
On one occasion, his wife Hafsah chided her co-wife Safiyyah bycalling her “the daughter of a Jew”. This was true, becauseSafiyyah’s father, Hubayy b. Akhtab, was in fact a Jew who had diedwithout ever accepting Islam. Still, such a comment was meant as a take on Safiyyah’s person, which was only more hurtful as it was coming from her co-wife. So when she heard what Hafsah had said, she started to cry.
The Prophet ( r) then came in and asked her why she was crying. She said:
“Hafsah called me the daughter of a Jew.” To this the Prophet ( r) replied: “Verily, you are the daughter of a Prophet, your uncle was also a Prophet, and you are the wife of a Prophet, so what does she have over you to boast about?” He then turned to Hafsah and said: “Fear Allah, O Hafsah.”
In an alternate narration, the Prophet is reported to have turned to Safiyyah and said: “Why didn’t you say: ‘So how can you be better than me? Muhammad is my husband. Aaron is my father, and Moses is my uncle.”